Love is More Than A Feeling
Love Is More Than a Feeling: Building Marriages That Last
When we hear the word "love," our minds often drift to romantic imagery—candlelit dinners, bouquets of roses, moonlit walks along the beach. Hollywood has trained us to believe that love is primarily a feeling, a spark, a flutter in the stomach, or perhaps just a chemical reaction in the brain.
But anyone who has been married for more than five minutes knows a profound truth: love is far more than a feeling.
When the Feelings Fade
Here's the reality that no romantic comedy will tell you: feelings fade. The spark dims. The butterflies disappear. Your spouse won't always look as charming as they did on your wedding day. And on those days—the difficult days, the mundane days, the frustrating days—love becomes something entirely different.
Love becomes a choice.
You choose to love even when you don't feel like it. You choose to be kind when you're frustrated. You choose to forgive when you've been wronged. You choose to serve one another even when you're exhausted.
This isn't the love that sells movie tickets, but it's the love that builds marriages that last a lifetime.
The Biblical Blueprint for Love
The Bible gives us a remarkably clear picture of what real love looks like. In 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, we find a description that many have heard at weddings but few have truly internalized: "Love is patient and kind. It doesn't envy or boast. It doesn't keep record of wrongs."
This passage reveals that the kind of love God calls us to in marriage isn't just an emotional response—it's an intentional way of living. It's a deliberate choice to embody certain qualities regardless of how we feel in the moment.
Love Requires Patience and Kindness
Paul begins his description of love with two foundational qualities: patience and kindness. These aren't accidental starting points. They form the bedrock of every strong marriage.
When we think of patience, we often imagine something passive—waiting in line at the store or sitting in traffic. But biblical patience is something far more powerful. It's love under pressure. It's the kind of love Jesus demonstrates toward us every single day.
Think about this past week. Consider the choices you made, the attitudes you displayed, the responses you gave to coworkers, friends, family members, or your spouse. There's a good chance you made multiple mistakes. Yet Jesus didn't strike you down. He continued to love you through every misstep.
If Christ could love those who spit on Him, beat Him, betrayed Him, cursed Him, and mocked Him on the cross, then there is nothing you could ever do that would cause Him to love you any less than He did when He bore your sins.
That's the patience Paul is talking about—a patience that doesn't quit on people easily.
This kind of patience isn't natural. It's not something we can conjure up through willpower alone. In Galatians 5:22, Paul reminds us that patience is a fruit of the Spirit. Just as you can't plant an apple seed and expect to harvest oranges, you can only produce what has been sown in you. When the Spirit of God dwells in your life, the patience that grows isn't forced restraint—it's Spirit-empowered love.
Some people think that letting things slide in marriage is a sign of weakness. They couldn't be more wrong. Patience isn't weakness—it's love wearing armor.
Patience means slowing down. It means listening. It means giving your spouse grace when they make mistakes. It means understanding that they are a work in progress—just like you.
The Challenge of Keeping No Record of Wrongs
Perhaps the most challenging aspect of love that Paul describes is found in verse 5: "Love keeps no record of wrongs."
There's a scene in the movie "The Breakup" where the female character expresses her frustration that her partner doesn't just help with tasks—he doesn't anticipate her needs or truly partner with her. In her frustration, she begins to catalog all his past failures, all the times he fell short.
This is what happens when we keep a record of wrongs. We build a mental ledger of every disappointment, every hurt, every failure. And it's never good for a relationship.
The key is understanding the difference between complaining and communicating. Both involve talking, but they couldn't be more different in their outcomes.
Communication seeks understanding and resolution. It focuses on solving problems and is expressed calmly and respectfully. Communication takes ownership, listens, and is open to compromise. It has a goal: to bring growth, clarity, and connection. Communication invites partnership—it says, "I can't fix this alone. I need you."
Complaining, on the other hand, expresses frustration without aiming for resolution. It focuses on venting and criticizing. It's repetitive, blames others, and offers no clear solution.
Here's the difference in a nutshell: Complaining releases emotion, but communication builds connection.
Complaining says, "I'm irritated." Communication says, "Let's fix it."
The Gift of Forgiveness
Keeping no record of wrongs requires forgiveness—a willingness to let go of past offenses and move forward. Imagine what marriage would look like if you stopped keeping score. What if you stopped bringing up arguments from years ago? What if you quit complaining about their flaws and past mistakes?
Forgiveness doesn't mean forgetting. It means choosing to release the offense and trust God to bring healing. It means no longer holding the other person responsible for past hurts.
We should be profoundly grateful that God doesn't keep a record of our wrongs. At one mention of the name of Jesus, every wrong, every fault, every shortcoming, every failure is blotted out. If we desire God's grace for our own lives—and we desperately need it—shouldn't we extend that same grace to our spouse?
Forgiveness is one of the greatest gifts you can give your spouse. When you let go of the past, you open the door to a future filled with healing and restoration.
Love Always Protects, Trusts, Hopes, and Perseveres
Paul concludes his description of love in verse 7 by saying that love "always protects, always trusts, always hopes, and always perseveres."
These qualities remind us that love is not passive—it's active, resilient, and fiercely loyal.
The Bible tells us we have an accuser—Satan—who constantly accuses us before God. But we also have an advocate with the Father—Jesus Christ—who sits at the right hand of God and intercedes for us. Even when the accusations are true, Jesus says, "My grace is sufficient."
That's fierce loyalty. That's the kind of love Jesus has for you. When you rejected Him, He still accepted you. When you turned your back on Him, He pursued you.
With that same fierce love, we should be loyal to our spouse. This means protecting your marriage from anything that could harm it—pride, selfishness, or outside influences. It means believing the best about your spouse, even when it's easier to assume the worst.
It means expecting God to work in your marriage even when things feel broken. It means sticking with your spouse through every trial, choosing to fight for your marriage instead of giving up.
Building Walls of Protection, Not Division
Every unresolved argument, every fight, every confrontation is like laying a brick. Scripture tells us not to let the sun go down on our anger, and there's wisdom in that. When we allow conflicts to remain unreconciled, we build walls—not around our marriage for protection, but between our spouse and us.
Eventually, after enough unresolved situations, you wake up one day and can't see your spouse anymore. You can only see the wall that you've both built.
But patience and kindness work differently. They are building blocks that construct walls around your marriage—walls of defense that protect you when the enemy attacks.
Love Is a Choice That Reflects God's Heart
Love isn't just an emotion. It's a choice. It's choosing patience over frustration, forgiveness over bitterness, and perseverance over giving up.
This kind of love doesn't happen by accident. It takes intentionality. It takes prayer. It takes the power of the Holy Spirit working in and through you.
The beautiful truth is that when you choose to embody these qualities—patience, kindness, forgiveness, protection, trust, hope, and perseverance—you reflect the strength and resilience of God's love in your marriage.
We're all works in progress. Every husband, every wife, every person is still being shaped and molded by God. If we want God's grace for our own imperfections, we must extend that same grace to those we love.
No matter where you are in your journey—whether you're heading toward a storm, going through one, or coming out of one—remember that you have an advocate with the Father. Jesus is praying for you. And if God is for you, who
When we hear the word "love," our minds often drift to romantic imagery—candlelit dinners, bouquets of roses, moonlit walks along the beach. Hollywood has trained us to believe that love is primarily a feeling, a spark, a flutter in the stomach, or perhaps just a chemical reaction in the brain.
But anyone who has been married for more than five minutes knows a profound truth: love is far more than a feeling.
When the Feelings Fade
Here's the reality that no romantic comedy will tell you: feelings fade. The spark dims. The butterflies disappear. Your spouse won't always look as charming as they did on your wedding day. And on those days—the difficult days, the mundane days, the frustrating days—love becomes something entirely different.
Love becomes a choice.
You choose to love even when you don't feel like it. You choose to be kind when you're frustrated. You choose to forgive when you've been wronged. You choose to serve one another even when you're exhausted.
This isn't the love that sells movie tickets, but it's the love that builds marriages that last a lifetime.
The Biblical Blueprint for Love
The Bible gives us a remarkably clear picture of what real love looks like. In 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, we find a description that many have heard at weddings but few have truly internalized: "Love is patient and kind. It doesn't envy or boast. It doesn't keep record of wrongs."
This passage reveals that the kind of love God calls us to in marriage isn't just an emotional response—it's an intentional way of living. It's a deliberate choice to embody certain qualities regardless of how we feel in the moment.
Love Requires Patience and Kindness
Paul begins his description of love with two foundational qualities: patience and kindness. These aren't accidental starting points. They form the bedrock of every strong marriage.
When we think of patience, we often imagine something passive—waiting in line at the store or sitting in traffic. But biblical patience is something far more powerful. It's love under pressure. It's the kind of love Jesus demonstrates toward us every single day.
Think about this past week. Consider the choices you made, the attitudes you displayed, the responses you gave to coworkers, friends, family members, or your spouse. There's a good chance you made multiple mistakes. Yet Jesus didn't strike you down. He continued to love you through every misstep.
If Christ could love those who spit on Him, beat Him, betrayed Him, cursed Him, and mocked Him on the cross, then there is nothing you could ever do that would cause Him to love you any less than He did when He bore your sins.
That's the patience Paul is talking about—a patience that doesn't quit on people easily.
This kind of patience isn't natural. It's not something we can conjure up through willpower alone. In Galatians 5:22, Paul reminds us that patience is a fruit of the Spirit. Just as you can't plant an apple seed and expect to harvest oranges, you can only produce what has been sown in you. When the Spirit of God dwells in your life, the patience that grows isn't forced restraint—it's Spirit-empowered love.
Some people think that letting things slide in marriage is a sign of weakness. They couldn't be more wrong. Patience isn't weakness—it's love wearing armor.
Patience means slowing down. It means listening. It means giving your spouse grace when they make mistakes. It means understanding that they are a work in progress—just like you.
The Challenge of Keeping No Record of Wrongs
Perhaps the most challenging aspect of love that Paul describes is found in verse 5: "Love keeps no record of wrongs."
There's a scene in the movie "The Breakup" where the female character expresses her frustration that her partner doesn't just help with tasks—he doesn't anticipate her needs or truly partner with her. In her frustration, she begins to catalog all his past failures, all the times he fell short.
This is what happens when we keep a record of wrongs. We build a mental ledger of every disappointment, every hurt, every failure. And it's never good for a relationship.
The key is understanding the difference between complaining and communicating. Both involve talking, but they couldn't be more different in their outcomes.
Communication seeks understanding and resolution. It focuses on solving problems and is expressed calmly and respectfully. Communication takes ownership, listens, and is open to compromise. It has a goal: to bring growth, clarity, and connection. Communication invites partnership—it says, "I can't fix this alone. I need you."
Complaining, on the other hand, expresses frustration without aiming for resolution. It focuses on venting and criticizing. It's repetitive, blames others, and offers no clear solution.
Here's the difference in a nutshell: Complaining releases emotion, but communication builds connection.
Complaining says, "I'm irritated." Communication says, "Let's fix it."
The Gift of Forgiveness
Keeping no record of wrongs requires forgiveness—a willingness to let go of past offenses and move forward. Imagine what marriage would look like if you stopped keeping score. What if you stopped bringing up arguments from years ago? What if you quit complaining about their flaws and past mistakes?
Forgiveness doesn't mean forgetting. It means choosing to release the offense and trust God to bring healing. It means no longer holding the other person responsible for past hurts.
We should be profoundly grateful that God doesn't keep a record of our wrongs. At one mention of the name of Jesus, every wrong, every fault, every shortcoming, every failure is blotted out. If we desire God's grace for our own lives—and we desperately need it—shouldn't we extend that same grace to our spouse?
Forgiveness is one of the greatest gifts you can give your spouse. When you let go of the past, you open the door to a future filled with healing and restoration.
Love Always Protects, Trusts, Hopes, and Perseveres
Paul concludes his description of love in verse 7 by saying that love "always protects, always trusts, always hopes, and always perseveres."
These qualities remind us that love is not passive—it's active, resilient, and fiercely loyal.
The Bible tells us we have an accuser—Satan—who constantly accuses us before God. But we also have an advocate with the Father—Jesus Christ—who sits at the right hand of God and intercedes for us. Even when the accusations are true, Jesus says, "My grace is sufficient."
That's fierce loyalty. That's the kind of love Jesus has for you. When you rejected Him, He still accepted you. When you turned your back on Him, He pursued you.
With that same fierce love, we should be loyal to our spouse. This means protecting your marriage from anything that could harm it—pride, selfishness, or outside influences. It means believing the best about your spouse, even when it's easier to assume the worst.
It means expecting God to work in your marriage even when things feel broken. It means sticking with your spouse through every trial, choosing to fight for your marriage instead of giving up.
Building Walls of Protection, Not Division
Every unresolved argument, every fight, every confrontation is like laying a brick. Scripture tells us not to let the sun go down on our anger, and there's wisdom in that. When we allow conflicts to remain unreconciled, we build walls—not around our marriage for protection, but between our spouse and us.
Eventually, after enough unresolved situations, you wake up one day and can't see your spouse anymore. You can only see the wall that you've both built.
But patience and kindness work differently. They are building blocks that construct walls around your marriage—walls of defense that protect you when the enemy attacks.
Love Is a Choice That Reflects God's Heart
Love isn't just an emotion. It's a choice. It's choosing patience over frustration, forgiveness over bitterness, and perseverance over giving up.
This kind of love doesn't happen by accident. It takes intentionality. It takes prayer. It takes the power of the Holy Spirit working in and through you.
The beautiful truth is that when you choose to embody these qualities—patience, kindness, forgiveness, protection, trust, hope, and perseverance—you reflect the strength and resilience of God's love in your marriage.
We're all works in progress. Every husband, every wife, every person is still being shaped and molded by God. If we want God's grace for our own imperfections, we must extend that same grace to those we love.
No matter where you are in your journey—whether you're heading toward a storm, going through one, or coming out of one—remember that you have an advocate with the Father. Jesus is praying for you. And if God is for you, who
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